I am about to pull a danny, but without images and just music.

Recently I been put in a situation where I regret everything.

From meeting him, to rejecting him, to letting go of him. Everything I regret it all. Yet I still hold on to him, even though he doesn't want me to. He wants us to just be friends. Though I can't simply let go of him like that. I want to say I am sorry for putting through all this, but I didn't know. I didn't know he was serious. I didn't know at all. I feel, so... so insignificant. His presence only reminds me how much of a failure I am. He's amazing.... I am simply not. What else can I do other than adore from afar. Though I want to be there for him every night, and making him feel loved. When I just want the feeling to belong someones again. Though it seems it can be this way...


So what's the point of trying. My emotions have gotten the better of like they have in the past. Sometimes, my emotions overwhelm me to the point that I question my own life. Do I deserve to live? I am even worth anything?... to anyone? I feel as a rejected being that is not an angel nor demon.

Though there are few individuals who understand me and know what I been through. They loved me.... and I let them down. Or worse, they abandoned me and lied to me. Why must I always be a blind fool and give my whole heart out to the iron-smith who wields his hammer with sadism. Love for me has always been a weapon of pain. I don't care what others say, it has... and most likely always be. Death to the fool who runs aimlessly for love.... Death to me~



Though I wish things were more like this,

I wish I could just move on and say I am over you. But I am not and I don't know when I will be... For fuck sake I might have this crush until another dude comes along and who know when that will be. Though I feel like you're breaking me down, even though you're not trying too. Maybe, just maybe if you can truly see in my heart. All I want is you. I can't do much but be myself, and that what I am doing. This is who I really am... There was a point in time where you had feelings for me... So where did they go?


Though what you words to said to me are stained into my brain. Some of things you said hurt me deeply, but I promise. You'll never see my reaction. You'll never see that side of me.

You said, you'll try stop talking to me. How does this benefit our friendship. How does this even help at all? Like I told you, I am better off becoming a far-off memory of yours. It's better off this way. I am not afraid of being alone.... Hell, I am hypocrite. I am afraid of being alone I am of afraid of walking this world alone. Remember what I told you, If I died tomorrow or the next day. Promise me something and don't shed a single tear over me.


If life was perfect


I would be able to find someone, who I can just kick back with and love them for who they are. Just enjoy sunsets and sunrises. Just knowing they're mine and I am theirs. Just being held, or just simply being loved. Warmth... Affection... I crave it. Call me greedy, but I want it and I need it. I can only go without it for so long. Until I met you.


I got most of it off my chest. I think I am done here. I might disappear, I might not. I don't know... Right now my heart tells me to stay, my mind tells me to go. But for now... I'll be